You say you want to meet someone. You tell your friends you wish you had somebody special. You complain about how difficult dating has become. BUT WHAT ARE YOU ACTUALLY DOING ABOUT IT?

If finding love is important to you, devote some time to pursuing it. Accept social invitations. Attend gatherings. Meet new people. Join activities where you can interact with others.

WHAT TO DO: Set a personal goal to create a few new social opportunities every month. You don't have to turn dating into a full-time job, but you DO have to participate!

In my book, I discuss people who rarely venture outside their homes. They work, go home, watch television, browse social media, sleep, and repeat the same routine tomorrow. And then they wonder why nobody interesting ever comes along! WELL, GOOD GRAVY!

HOW IS SOMEBODY SUPPOSED TO MEET YOU IF THEY NEVER SEE YOU?

Get out among people! Visit places you enjoy. Take a class. Attend community functions. Participate in activities where you can become a familiar, friendly face.

WHAT TO DO: Make yourself more socially available without sacrificing the activities and personal time you already enjoy. You never know who you might meet!

Sometimes you're making the effort, but you're not meeting people who share your interests, values, or relationship goals. Perhaps you're repeatedly visiting the same places, interacting with the same crowd, and encountering the same disappointments. Well, here's an idea.

CHANGE YOUR APPROACH!

→ If you're interested in health and fitness, participate in fitness-related activities.

→ If you love books, explore literary events.

→ If you enjoy business, travel, cooking, art, or volunteering, look for opportunities to meet people who share those interests.

WHAT TO DO: Try three new social environments over the next month and see what kinds of people you encounter. And remember, even if you don't meet a romantic prospect, you might develop some wonderful friendships!

OH, HERE WE GO! You want someone gorgeous, wealthy, successful, funny, brilliant, athletic, romantic, adventurous, financially responsible, emotionally mature, and available every time you snap your fingers! AND THEY MUST ALSO LOVE EVERY SINGLE THING YOU LOVE! Anything else?

Perhaps you'd like them delivered to your front door with a lifetime warranty! HAHAHAHA! Listen, knowing what you want is important. But as I discuss in my book, some people create such demanding lists of requirements that they eliminate perfectly wonderful prospects before getting to know them.

WHAT TO DO: Separate your genuine non-negotiables—such as honesty, respect, safety, and compatible values—from preferences that might be flexible.

DON'T LET A FANTASY CHECKLIST PREVENT YOU FROM MEETING A REAL HUMAN BEING!

Maybe somebody broke your heart. Maybe a previous relationship ended badly. Perhaps you've experienced dishonesty, rejection, disappointment, or betrayal. Those experiences can make the idea of dating again less appealing. I GET IT! But not everyone you meet will behave like somebody who disappointed you in the past.

WHAT TO DO: Take the time you need to recover, examine what you learned, and identify what you'd approach differently in a future relationship.

If past experiences continue to cause significant distress, professional support may help. And there's no deadline for beginning another relationship.

YOUR PAST CAN TEACH YOU IMPORTANT LESSONS WITHOUT MAKING EVERY DECISION ABOUT YOUR FUTURE!

Oh, THIS ONE deserves attention! In my book, I discuss how excessive phone use, social media, and poor communication habits can interfere with developing relationships.

Picture yourself sitting across from someone on a date. They're telling you about their life, interests, and ambitions.

And what are YOU doing? CHECKING YOUR PHONE! "Uh-huh. That's nice. Hang on. Somebody just commented on my Instagram post." ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Put the phone away! Look at the person. Listen. Ask questions. Participate in the conversation!

WHAT TO DO: Give people your attention when you're together. Practice meaningful conversations instead of relying exclusively on texting and messages.

THE PERSON SITTING ACROSS FROM YOU SHOULD BE MORE INTERESTING THAN WHATEVER IS HAPPENING ON YOUR PHONE!

Here's an important question. Have you repeatedly experienced similar problems with different people? Maybe communication breaks down. Perhaps you rush into relationships. Maybe you don't devote enough time or attention to the person you're dating.

Or perhaps you keep selecting people whose goals and values are incompatible with yours. Have you ever examined those patterns? In my book, I encourage readers to take responsibility for their own actions and decisions rather than automatically blaming every unsuccessful relationship on someone else. That doesn't mean every breakup was your fault! It means being willing to evaluate your own behavior where appropriate.

WHAT TO DO: Review your past dating experiences and write down what worked, what didn't, what you learned, and what you might do differently next time.

IF YOU NEVER EXAMINE WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE, HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO MAKE BETTER DECISIONS GOING FORWARD?