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BOOK EXCERPT
📖 What's Wrong With Sex Today? It's Something Women Aren't Getting ...
Excerpted and adapted from Laws Of The Bedroom: What Women Want From Men Inside & Outside Of The Bedroom book by Bart Smith. Reprinted by Permission.
What is wrong with sex today? Well, if you ask me, one of the biggest problems is that too many men are in such a hurry to get theirs that they completely forget something rather important: the woman they are with would like to enjoy herself, too.
Think about it. A man can become sexually excited in a matter of seconds, move straight into the physical act, finish up, and consider the evening a massive success. Ten minutes later, he is perfectly satisfied and ready to roll over and pass out. Meanwhile, the woman lying right next to him is left staring at the ceiling thinking, "Wait a minute. What about me?"
This isn't just about physical satisfaction; it’s about respect. When a man treats intimacy like a solo sprint to the finish line, he sends a loud, clear message to his lady that her pleasure is nothing more than an afterthought. That kind of selfishness kills desire faster than anything else, and it completely hollows out the connection between you.
Of course, this doesn't describe every single couple. People naturally differ in how quickly they become aroused and what they enjoy. But when you continually rush ahead while your woman is still trying to get comfortable, relaxed, and fully engaged in the moment, something vital is missing.
THE PROBLEM ISN'T JUST PHYSICAL!
In Chapter One of my book, Laws Of The Bedroom, I break down two major problems that constantly trip up men and women. First, women rarely receive the actual time, attention, and thoughtful affection they want. Second, men simply do not take enough time to understand how their women actually experience intimacy.
Make no mistake about it: these two problems are completely connected.
Physical intimacy is never just about two bodies coming together. It is about the way two people think about each other, how they communicate, how they behave, and how they express their affection. You can touch a woman's body without making her feel particularly loved, appreciated, or emotionally connected at all. Likewise, you can demonstrate incredible affection to your lady without immediately expecting a single damn thing sexual in return.
Too many men get so entirely blinded by the finish line that they completely forget to enjoy everything that makes the journey worthwhile. And gentlemen, let's be real—romance is not a 100-yard dash.
SHE NEEDS MORE THAN A MAN WHO'S IN A HURRY!
One of the recurring messages throughout my book is that you need to pay closer attention to the woman you're with, rather than assuming that whatever feels incredible to you must automatically feel incredible to her.
Does she feel relaxed? Is she genuinely enjoying herself? Does she want more affection, conversation, tenderness, or time? Have you even bothered to ask her? Sometimes, the problem isn't a lack of love; it’s a pure lack of communication. You can be together for years and still be completely clueless about the things your lady especially enjoys or dislikes. That is because familiarity is not the same thing as actual understanding.
In the book, I ask a critical question: where are men getting their education on this? Their friends? Television? Pornography? The internet? Let's face it—most of those sources are completely useless when it comes to teaching emotional connection, tenderness, or understanding a specific woman's needs.
The absolute best teacher available to a man is the very woman he is dating or married to. Ask her what she likes, listen to her answers, and pay damn attention.
GREAT INTIMACY BEGINS OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM!
Another point I emphasize is that you should never limit your demonstrations of love to the moments when you want sex. If your woman spends her entire day feeling ignored, criticized, or taken for granted, do not assume she’ll automatically become affectionate and enthusiastic the second you flip off the bedroom lights. It doesn't work that way.
Make real time for her. Listen to her, hold her hand, compliment her, and show genuine interest in her activities, her dreams, her concerns, and her accomplishments. Give her your undivided attention without treating every single affectionate gesture as an automatic invitation to the bedroom.
Then, when the two of you are actually ready to become intimate, bring that exact same care and attention with you. There is no universal stopwatch determining how long sex is supposed to last. What matters is that both of you are completely comfortable, fully willing, and thoroughly enjoying your time together.
FINAL WORD
The solution to better sex isn't about some overhyped, extraordinary technique or an expensive product. Sometimes, it is as simple as slowing down, paying damn attention, communicating, and remembering that there are two people involved in this experience.
Gentlemen, when you make your lady's comfort and enjoyment just as important as your own, you are approaching intimacy with an entirely different attitude. Don't just make time for sex. Make time for her. And when the two of you are both genuinely enjoying yourselves, there is absolutely no reason to be in such a hurry for the evening to end.
(THIS CONTINUES IN THE BOOK)
WANT TO LEARN MORE?
This article is adapted from Chapter Six of Laws Of The Bedroom: What Women Want From Men Inside & Outside Of The Bedroom, where I share practical advice to help men become more thoughtful, attentive, confident, and considerate lovers.
Throughout the book, I discuss communication, intimacy, affection, romance, and understanding what makes your woman feel genuinely loved, wanted, and appreciated. You'll discover ways to improve yourself emotionally and physically, create memorable romantic experiences, strengthen your relationship, and give your honey the attention she deserves and craves deep down inside.
Gentlemen, being a great lover involves more than what happens between the sheets! It's how you treat your girlfriend or wife, how you communicate, and how you continue making her feel special throughout your relationship. Want to become an even better man for the woman you love? Explore my book and discover more ways to bring love, romance, excitement, and fulfillment into your relationship!
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